bleary eyed, darkness wanes, the Rage must crash, but in so doing... will He be ever-so lonely...

Thanks Trin... and I sorry for the froggy...

gah... here I am, alone again... why do I try so hard? I've given it everything I've got to stay awake long enough for the sabre-toothed crotch cricket to go to work... and all for naught. Tell me this... where are you right now? What are you doing at this exact moment? Are you dreaming of me? Or are you dreaming of someone else? Do I even cross your mind? Am I wasting my time? Put yourself in my shoes... what would you do? I know what you said you'd do... would you want me to do the same? It seems so strange. Why do you think I stayed? Why do you think I care? Where do we stand? What do we do? How do we do it? How can I deal with it? Will I be able to deal with it? How long will it take? I hate waiting. Will my heart mend? Will I be able to look into your eyes? Can I trust you with my soul again? Can I trust you with my being? Where are you? Are you okay? Are you lying dead in a ditch? Are you drunk? Are you safe? I worry. I hate worrying, I don't do it often. Are you in bed with Lee? Are you in bed with someone else? Why doesn't anyone here know where you are? Do you care that I worry? Where are you? I miss you...

Stumbling through the pain, I fall deeper...

Now I find myself in question
They point the finger at me again
Guilty by association
You point the finger at me again

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

Bah... Rage never called you bitter... you got the wrong person... and sometimes things go for the better... course... the good times never outweigh the bad... err outwiegh? howeverthehell it's spellt :-)

poma poma poma... god it's been what... almost a year now? of course we'll chat... anytime any place... you choose the place, I'll choose the time :-)

Trin.... I not judging, I joking :-) Besides... I not mean that in a bad way anyways... most people who are jaded are so because they have gotten screwed... I meant it in such that it's rough for you because you have been pushed to being jaded...

Any possibility of getting to chat w/You again, Rage? Lemme know the time and place, and i'll try to show.. :)

Oh yeah... you wanted to know who's here...

Trinity- jaded
Pixie- gothic
Rage- misguided
Maraculus- flat weird
Drake- quiet
Poma- stranger :-)

Lets see if I can offend 'em all >=)

poma! heyas, babe :-) LTNS... how's life been treating you? Like Pix said, this is pretty much where we tell all and let it all out, and get some different viewpoints on life... nothing very spectacular, just insight into human nature...

Just wanted to make a first appearance and say hi... Rage, it is sooo great to hear from You. Thank You for inviting me to Your blog... i have limited access to computers, so sometimes i won't be able to blog for weeks at a time... just thought i should give you all fair warning. Please fill me in on who is here, and what this blog is about so i can write appropriate blogs. i'm poma, btw.. for all who don't know me... i live in AZ, with a Dom i've been with for 10 months now. That's the extent of my introduction. :) Here's my website (that i haven't touched in almost a year)... very outdated, but at least one is able to put a face to the nick :) byeeeeeeee.

Pix, we'll talk soon... I'll come by sometime today.

oh yeah, BTW... Trin why for you go to UK? leave the limeys alone and come to Texas :-)

wait wait wait, lemme go back a bit. Who are the one's that are telling you things? Are they your friends? Have they been there to hold you as you cry? Have they honestly listened to you, and cared about what you have to say? If they are, then by god they have truly revealed their inner-being. Or are they mere faces that spark a recognition? Tell me these things. Most of the time, people that you cannot call your friends, don't give a shit. I can think of many people I know that I hang out/party with, but I could really care less if they happen on hard times. Human nature finds humor in other's suffering. Case in point: The Jerry Springer Show. God if I could just give his writers a month of my life, he'd hit primetime in a week, I'm not immune from human nature. I laugh at the misfortune of others, but I do NOT cause it. Bah, I sound like I'm ranting... of course, on 2 hours of sleep for the last 60 hours, leaves a person some room for discussion. By the way, Pix... I came by about 5am, and no one was awake...

What I want to know, is how are you certain the one's you love ARE shitting on you? Do you beleive some little trick or the signifigant other? I tell ya... I have had so many problems related to people getting in my business, and ruining whatever good things I have going for me by exageration/FLAT FUCKING LIE. And the worst part is, that people automatically want to beleive the worst before even attempting to ask. Why do people do this? Anyone else have this problem? If I have a doubt/question/idea, I sure as hell ask the person that it pertains to. I mean come on... next thing you know, I'm going to be porking Wayne...

Kimiko Dreams

blah, I was going to write about my trip to the track tonight, but I'm too damn tired to type... I'll tell ya'll about it tommorow.

It's been a while, since I could hold my head up high. --Aaron Lewis

I have so much pressure and sadness... it's blown my mind. I feel like an empty shell, fragile to touch. I'm afraid if someone touches me, my body will crumble to dust. Emotions are gone, only animal instincts remain. No purpose, no direction, no heart... I am a slice of nothingness... my mind has been broken. The pain has been replaced by emptiness. When I find a piece of sanity, it hurts so much I throw it back into the whirlpool. My senses are numb, I feel absolute blankness. At least nothing doesn't hurt...

By the way, everyone meet Pix. She's a sweety... and by god the only one who posts here that I talk to IRL. Go figure :-)

Thanks, Trin... that means a lot to me.

Life is well, for lack of a better phrase... "rock bottom" But suprising to say, there's a stairwell, I see it... problem is, I have to cross some pretty damn big gaps, no chasms, to get there. I'm back in the middle of BFE, Texas. No job, no money, warrants out, and by god, I'm fixing to lose my car. But for some odd reason, I'm hopeful. Seems a bit optimistic, but such is my personality I guess. Lets see... the main thing that keeps me goin is the old quote "It cant get any worse". God that is so true. So I spose that's where my hope springs from. Either way, life is at a transitional stage at the moment. Perhaps good, perhaps bad, but things are definately changing. Hell with any luck I might wind up on ESPN soon. Import NHRA I'll be the only one with a Chevrolet. But thats not set in stone. I gotta cross one bridge at a time. Okay thats enough for now... here's a word from our sponsors.

Trin! you're alive... miss you babe... where ya been?

lets start posting again...